This weekend I watched the show Why Women Kill on Amazon Prime. I so related to the 1963 wife. She was me, I was her. It hurt to watch all the things she did to get her husband's attention to try to get his interest to no avail. And still, he cheated. Yep, she was me. But the difference was, mine was a narcissist. He would tell me that it was all in my imagination. That of course he loved me and was attracted to me. I was told the other day that I was a beautiful woman and that still shocks me. I had never been told by my husband anything like that. I had been told my hair looked stupid, I looked like a boy, I looked like someone on a paint can, I don't remember that one. Oh, the page boy? He told me I looked nice or alright 3 times. I was asked didn't he tell me I was beautiful on our wedding day? No, I'm sad to say he didn't. He actually looked at me and said, what's with that veil you look like you're going to fly away?
I cried myself to sleep almost every night during the first year of our marriage. I should have left then, but I wouldn't have my boys. I think I'd do it all again just to have these amazing sons.
There was a hearing a couple of weeks ago. It was just a pretrial hearing and I didn't have to go. I debated over and over with myself trying to decide if I should go. I didn't want to. I didn't want to see him. I had just seen him on Good Friday.
That morning Zach woke me up at 6:30 am with a stomach ache. It was on his right side and I knew that wasn't his stomach. I worried it was his gallbladder so I took him to the emergency room. I thought if I waited till the doctor's office opened they would only have to run tests and no telling how long that would take. So I took him to the ER. We were there by 7:30 am and I was driving him to the bigger hospital by 10:30 am for emergency surgery. It was his gallbladder and it was infected and inflamed. We made it to the big hospital by 11:30. Before we headed there I called his dad. I know there is an injunction but felt like it was the right thing to do. Of course, he didn't take my call. I left him a voice mail saying that Zach needed emergency surgery and we were on our way to the main hospital. I then called my sister in laws wife because he is staying with them. I had to leave her a message too. I knew my sister-in-law couldn't take phone calls at work so I decided that I would just have to text her. She did answer me and I let her know what was going on. She asked if he could come. I said of course that is why I called him.
We were in the main emergency room at 11:30 and waiting to see a surgeon. At 1:15 someone got us and we were being taken to preop. We still hadn't seen the doctor there. I asked if his surgery was scheduled and was told yes for 1:30. I texted his dad and let him know he would be going in 15 minutes and asked if he was close. He got there and came into the preop area. He wouldn't come into the curtain area and when I tried to tell him what was going on he wouldn't look at me or answer me. A few minutes later my baby was being taken into the operating room and we were heading to the waiting room. He walked about 20 feet behind me. We got into the waiting room and I showed him a card they gave me with Zach's id number on it so we could watch the progress on a monitor. He said he was going to get coffee and asked if I wanted anything. I said I needed food so he walked off. I went to the cafeteria alone and got something to eat. I was scared, hungry, tired, and dirty and was wearing what I'd slept in. The only thing I had done was brush my teeth.
I went back to the waiting room and sat a couple of chairs from my husband. I told him that Zach was in surgery and they had started. He wouldn't answer me. Which in reality isn't any different than our marriage. I frequently was ignored. When I would say something about that his response was, "What am I supposed to walk around saying ok?" I got a text from the pharmacy that Zach's medicine was being denied by the insurance company. So I called them. They couldn't get a preauthorization because of time but did put me on a drug card so it was only going to cost $25. I said I'd be there after he got out of surgery and asked how late they would be open. Of course, my lovely husband heard this whole call and didn't ask about it or if I needed any money for medicine. He does have to pay half and I had just paid the copay for the ER, but he can't really be bothered with things like that. Thankfully Zach was out of surgery after about an hour and we could see him. We were home by 5:30. Zach told his dad thank you for coming and his dad said oh sure, let me know if you need anything. That was the last they talked. He texted his dad about his car title because when he left he took our safe with the title and our money. He said he didn't have the title so we are still waiting on Zach's copy to come so the insurance can pay out the car. It was totaled after he hit a deer. Zach doesn't have a car right now and is driving our truck. The tags are out on it and I asked his dad if it was safe for him to drive it and did I need to do anything to it. He said I needed to pay for the tags that have been out for 8 months. I said it's your truck and you're keeping the truck and you want me to pay half of the tags?
It's so crazy to me that a man can be a father for almost 30 years and just walk away from his kids. Avery checks on his dad and his dad will answer him. But it's sad. His dad should be checking on him.
So I went to the hearing. Like I'd said I had seen Mike so I was worried about that as much. I knew he couldn't do anything to me in the courtroom. He's just not someone I care to see ever again. The trial date was set and that was pretty much it. I'm glad I went. I wanted to be real to the lawyers and judge and for him to know I'm not backing down. He knows what he did to me, he knows he threatened to kill me and I'm not pretending it didn't happen. He has a ticket for $315 for a class c misdemeanor that he has paid thousands of dollars fighting. I have the text messages he sent me after the assault. He moved out because of what happened. He knows what he did. He asked his sister to lie in court, and he told her not to bring her phone in because it could be evidence. Avery asked him for money to go to wrestling and he told him he didn't have it to ask me. He's a peach. He only has money for lawyers and 25-year-olds he wants to date.
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